I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
