WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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