Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
