I skipped work to stalk him.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
