Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
