Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
