So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
