guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
