i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
