Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
