She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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