Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
