how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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