Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
