did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
