thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
