i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
