you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
