I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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