I'm jealous of your bromance
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
