We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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