i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
