I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
