By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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