I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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