sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
