ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
