At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
