What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
