Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
