You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
