I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she told me i tasted like america
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
