I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
