I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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