found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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