Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
