So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
