Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
