I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
