Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
