Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
