You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize