It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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