Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
