I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
