in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize