so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
