And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
