I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
