everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
