I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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