Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Farmville is her only friend.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
