when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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