i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
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When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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