i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the condom got lost in my hair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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