shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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