Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
