Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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