He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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