So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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