god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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