1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize