I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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