I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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