I CAN MOONWALK!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
