Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she smelled like a LAN party
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
