Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
