I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize