not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
