im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
