if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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