If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
