Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
