I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
